Squat Toilet

Well I had my first run in with a squat toilet.

I was visiting Merdeka Square in Kuala Lumpur when I had a sudden pressing need for a toilet. I went to a coffee shop and was faced with only squat toilets. I didn't have time to be picky so I just gave it my best shot...

I wasn't sure where to stand. I've used squat toilets in Turkey but I'm pretty sure they had a place for your feet. These ones were on a step about a foot off the floor. I got up onto the step but then my head was above the cubicle door, which didn't seem right. If there were other people using the toilets I'd have been able to look them in the eye. I tried from off the step but didn't quite have the reach. In the end I did it from on the step and it all went as it should.

But then there was no toilet paper. Just a hose. I grabbed the hose as far back as I could but I couldn't see a way that I wasn't going to spray water and poo all over my clothes. I decided I needed to google how to use a squat toilet hose, so I reached into my bag, still perched over the hole, for my phone. When I did my hand brushed against some 1 ringgot notes. Malaysian money is plastic like Australian money, but they still have some linen notes in circulation. I was lucky in that I had 2 of these with me. So I used them to wipe and left them in the bowl.

I have a horrible feeling that some poor desperate bloke is going to retrieve them...

At the moment I'm sitting near the Petronas Twin Towers. It isn't easy to get a decent photo of them as they're so big.

Tomorrow I'm off to Penang for 5 nights, then I might head inland or across to the other coast, or just go to Langkawi.

Sultan's fake palace

Most of today was spent dealing with ANZ. They have this verified by Visa rubbish that sends a code via sms whenever you purchase certain things online. I booked a bus 3 days ago and it was fine, but I tried to book another today and it needed the sms. I called ANZ, which took 27 of my 30 international call minutes, and they updated to my Malaysian number but the code still wouldn't send. I got my sister to call them and get them to call me but they wouldn't, so I harassed them on facebook and they called me. They can exempt me from verified by Visa for 4 days at a time so I'm going to have to harass them every 4 days.  It's totally ridiculous.

Anyway, I managed to go and see one museum and rush through a second one.

I went to the Sultan's palace, which is actually a reconstruction of how it didn't used to be. Apparently it was different so I'm not really sure why they reconstructed it wrong. It was quite interesting.

Melaka was founded when some VIP was on a hunting trip and while he was resting under a Melaka tree his three dogs hunted down a mouse deer and backed it towards a river. The mouse deer, however, managed to pull off a decent roundhouse kick on one of the dogs and knocked it into the river. The VIP (obviously I can't remember who he was) was so impressed that he thought it a sign to put a settlement here. I assume he named the town after the tree because Mousedeer would be a pretty crappy name.

This story was presented in diorama form at both museums I visited. I did note that the story ends without any further reference to the fate of the mouse deer. I imagine the other 2 dogs ripped it apart.

The only other thing to mention is that when I had a shower this morning I noticed a door latched shut inside the shower with a glimmer of light shining in. The shower is at the back of the garden on the edge of the property and the door goes through the external wall. I tried to peak through but a tap blocks the door from opening. I think I can twist the pipe enough to get the tap out of the way, so I'm going to try to open it this evening when nobody is around. As far as I can tell it opens into another building or Narnia.

Dragon dance

Yesterday I met up with the Romanian guy and a couple of blokes from his hostel. It was Chinese New Year so it was a mixture between everywhere being shut and stuff going on everywhere.

There were a lot of dragon dances, including one where they dance atop these poles. It looked incredibly difficult, especially for the person who is the dragons arse. It wasn't so surprising when they stacked it. Straight off the highest part. Credit to them, they got straight back up.

Today I'm going to have a look at the museums.

Tomorrow I'm off to Kuala Lumpur.

Tonight

Well I went out tonight to see the Chinese markets. Apparently they're not that intense because it is nye. After a bit of walking I went to find a beer. The place I found was expensive, so I was going to leave but then a few things happened.

First, the guy sat at the bar next to me went behind the bar and ordered people around revealing himself as a manager or the owner. Second, an Indian guy walked in with a seedy Mo and the manager/owner chased after him and treated him like royalty. They sat next to me and I struggled to hear what they were saying but I thought perhaps Indian Mr Bean (he looked a bit like Mr Bean) was going to buy the place because he was talking money.

The owner had to go check on the band and left Mr Bean next to me so he started chatting to me. He said he was a bee keeper because "no honey, no money". Clearly a lie because he was talking in millions earlier. He said he knew a proper cheap place for refreshments nearby so I thought I'd follow this thread to its likely conclusion (murder).

It was seeming more and more likely he was a drug cultivator but he did know a much cheaper place. On the walk there he was again treated like a king by all these random street people. People came up and shook his hand. He interrupted a busker and nobody seemed to care. It was weird. I filmed it.

At the next place he interrupted a group having dinner to tell a bald man that he needs to blend up onion and put it on his head to grow his hair back. That group did seem to care a bit, but they were tourists like me.

He played the joker but every now and then he seemed ominous. Like clouds blotting out the sun.

He told me about how he lives in the jungle and rarely comes out (he was out for a funeral today; why did everyone know him though if he rarely emerges?). How he had millions but his wife took it all. How he's built himself up again and has heaps of houses. I was fairly sure I was being scammed. I asked him why he was at the previous bar and he said it was because they thought he was a cop. Anyway, I didn't figure it out.

I eventually thought if I drink anymore I'd get myself in trouble. So I left. I still don't know if I was a mark or if he was genuine. I'm certain he wasn't a bee keeper. He said "how many bee keepers do you know" and I told him that there's plenty where I'm from and they mostly have honey but no money.

Either way it was weird. I kept thinking of Gabor in Hungary who bought my bike. That was weird but he turned out to be a stand up guy.

He was either the Pablo of Malaysia or a terrible scammer, because I think I came out on top in the end. Interesting night!

Melaka

I've just arrived in Melaka.

Yesterday after the ladyboy encounter I eventually returned back to the hostel and a guy from Romania had arrived, so the ladyboy had turned her attention to him. She pulled the same move on him.

"How tall are you?
Oh so tall.
Stand up.
Look how much taller you are!"
*thrusts bum backwards*

I saw it coming though, pardon the pun. Mihai (the new guy) thought s/he was a she, so didn't dodge in time. I took great pleasure telling him the she was a ladyboy. Naive bastard.

Last night was terrible. Johor Bahru is a true dump. Most of the people at the hostel were older men that live there and commute to Singapore for work. The ladyboy was definitely a working girl. S/he went out at 11am. I woke up at 5am and there was a weird dude in our room professing his love for the ladyboy.  Crikey, you wouldn't read about it.

I've only come through Melaka to the hostel but it is already infinitely better. It's Chinese New Years Eve but I think that is a bit like our Christmas Eve rather than our new years eve. I'm about to head out anyway as the hostel is right in the middle of China Town. Is there anywhere without a China Town? I reckon they probably even have China Towns inside Chinese towns.

The picture is the only one I have of Melaka so far.

Johor

The app I'm using to upload blogs isn't working properly.

I'm now in Johor, Malaysia. I didn't do much in Singapore but spent a lot of money. The only thing of note was the artscience museum. It cost s$35 but it was very good.

I'm currently writing this from a little enclave in front of a shop. I arrived at my hostel and the place was empty so I was listening to the jjj countdown on my bed when one of the other guests came in.

She was very friendly and very confident, despite her large hands and well developed adams apple. I was chatting to her politely but she kept invading my personal space. When s/he laid on my bed next to me I legged it. Didn't even check if I have my key and left all my expensive stuff strewn around the room. I think I'm probably going to sleep out the front of this shop tonight.

Marina Bay

Last night I went to Marina Bay to watch a light show. They project images onto a continuous spray of water. It's pretty cool for the first minute or so. I got there too late for the first show due to the labyrinth nature of everything in Singapore so I went to the Gardens by the Bay. They have these giant fake trees and I happened to get there for a... I don't know what to call it but there was music and lights.  The most impressive thing was probably the giant hotel that looms over everything. At the top is an infinity pool that is out of my price range.

On Thursday I'm heading to Johor for a night and then heading up to Malacca.

Pulau Ubin

Yesterday Toby and I went to Pulau Ubin. It is an island to the North West. We hired some dodgy mountain bikes and rode around. There were some wetlands with signs displaying plants, birds and sea life that is alleged to live there. I did see some monkeys and an otter, although they didn't have signs.

We went to the Singapore National Museum after as the Changi Museum is in the middle of nowhere, transport wise. The history exhibit was really interesting but the other exhibits were a bit rubbish.

Today we went looking for a bag as the one Dad so kindly gave me is not particularly large or functional. All the maids in Singapore get Sunday off and go to one department store to send money home, have lunch and run around like chooks with their heads cut off. Toby took me to that place first. There were thousands of crazy maids (not in uniform, unfortunately) all bustling about. I'm calling it the maid parade. It was total mayhem. Not a spot of dust though.

Tonight I'm going to a light show thing at Marina Sands.

The photos are all from Pulau Ubin.

Singapore

Time to fire up the blog again. I'm in Singapore.

I spent the last year working on an excellent year 6 class so this time I have money. I've got no plan but no intention of riding a bicycle. There is a plan to kayak down the Mekong when I get there. Although that sentence is the entirety of the plan.

I just lazed around today. I got to Singapore last night and am staying with Toby. I stayed with him in Vietnam too.

The only thing of interest is that last night I woke up outside the apartment fairly confused. I'd been sleep walking. I kind of remember weeing off the side of the building. It could've been a dream though. We're on the 11th floor.

It's a $200 fine for spitting here and chewing gum is contraband, so they probably wouldn't like me weeing on their city.

Tomorrow I'm going to go to the Changi  museum and to Uban Island. Not sure why an airport has a museum...