Bangkok is awesome

I've been hopeless with blogging lately. When I was on my bike it was something to keep me occupied while I was resting after cycling. Staying in hostels it is more difficult to find the time. Not that I've done anything but sleep in the hostel.

I'm going to be honest, today was the first day I've been outside in Bangkok in the daytime. That doesn't mean I haven't been out in Bangkok though! There is so much to write about and some I probably shouldn't write about, but I might anyway.
My second night here I went to meet up with Dan. I lived with Dan in East London for a couple of months. He's been in Bangkok for 13 months teaching English and is about to leave for a job in China or South Korea. We met up in a pub in Nana not to far away and I ended up meeting his entire circle of expat friends. They were all extremely nice and welcoming to me, a tourist. There are about 20 of them from Australia, the UK, Ireland and one insane yank. I realise now that that was a quiet night out in Bangkok.

We went and played some pool. A hooker kicked one of the guys while he was taking his shot so he went after her with a pool stick (I don't know how to spell queue when it is a pool one). I saw my first seedy middle aged men with young Thai girls. I assume these Thai girls are just into older men. Maybe they are mail order husbands? We ended up getting thrown out of a bar because one of the blokes threw his shoe at the bar staff. We found out later that he did it because he didn't like the music. Fair enough. Apparently he's lost many shoes this way.

The next day I slept all day.

The next night I met up with Dan again and we went to Nana Plaza. It is one of the more debauched parts of a very debauched city. People have warned me to watch out for lady boys but they seemed to be extremely easy to spot. Look for the men wearing make up. We went to a place Dan has been to before and the grumpy cow that runs the place remembers him. She said something in Thai to Mhon (Dan's girlfriend) as soon as we sat down. Mhon says she just told her to take us somewhere else but I suspect it was much worse than that because Mhon wouldn't tell us. Dan told her off and we left.

We went to a club called spankers. I'm trying very hard to not make Nana Plaza sound like what it is but I don't know that I can. When you go in some scantily clad girls hit you with these foam bats. It is hilarious. More scantily clad girls are up on stage hitting each other. They tried to get me to hit them but I really didn't want to. I don't think it actually hurts but I'm really not into hitting people. So I gave them all a good kicking instead. That's a joke. We stayed for 20 minutes until the novelty wore off.

The entire area was actually repulsive. I generally don't care about many things but it just left a bad taste in my mouth (not literally). I was shocked by how naturally the middle aged men were going from club to club buying women. They seemed proud. It's wrong to judge people, except really it isn't at all. So I'm going to judge them. How can you possibly be proud that you're too fat, ugly, old and flabby to get girls without paying desperate third world girls, you sweaty manboobed cretins? Still, it was pretty funny.

Shit, am I middle aged?

After that we went to Khao San. It is a party street. It was bustling with energy. There are lots of foreigners there. We met Applebury, Dan's insane yank mate. He is a really nice guy but if Khao San is a hurricane of activity Applebury is a tornado amongst it. He knows the staff at one of the places so we went there. Him knowing the staff didn't seem to afford us any benefits but it was still fun. Applebury tore around gathering up strangers and singing and stuff. The next night he asked everyone he came across if they wanted to build a snowman. Then launched into the full song from frozen. It freaked people right out.

People come up constantly trying to sell you scorpions. I've never had to say "I don't want to eat a scorpion, I'm full" so many times. There was a guy doing this absolutely amazing card trick. He said if I bought his pack he'd teach me, which he did. I can't wait to show my students. I think I got video. It isn't that amazing. One of the blokes had an aunt visiting and for some reason she poured an entire beer over my head. Everyone decided they'd buy me a wristband. I won't tell you what it says. I can't imagine a worse one though.

We went to a club later and I lost everyone. I was hanging around with some Americans I met for a while then decided it was home time. I bought a Pad Thai and got a tuk tuk. I told the driver he had to go fast and he did. He was like the Lewis Hamilton of tuk tuk drivers. I sat in the back trying to chopstick Pad Thai into my fat face, directing the tuk tuk driver to go near other tuk tuks so I could yell at the other tourists in the back. Which he did. Then we'd speed off. A few trued to race us but we were too quick. It was probably the most fun I've ever had. It was a little bit surreal actually. When we got back I gave him and extra 50 because, as he said "I'm the fastest driver for you".

Last night was Dan's leaving party. I was supposed to get a taxi to Applebury's apartment. Mhon sent the address in English and Thai so I got a taxi. The driver took me to the wrong apartment. So we drove around, then he went to his house to get a phone but couldn't get a hold of whoever he was ringing. He stopped and asked for directions and these guys googled it for him, but it was the wrong apartment block again. So we kept going. At one point we were driving through a police station car park. I started getting cross and he told me he doesn't know Thai or English very well! After 2 hours I started to get a little suspicious. His licence didn't have his photo so I decided to just bail. I told him I'm getting out cause it was ridiculous and he got really upset. So I told him nobody can be this shit of a taxi driver and I reckon he's running a scam on me and he went "no no I'm a good taxi driver!"  I kept flipping between feeling sorry for him and being cross with him. In hindsight I don't think he was running a scam. I actually feel bad about how I spoke to him but 2 bloody hours and 2 wrong destinations! I ended up paying him what was on the meter because I think he was having a shit night too.

We went to JJ Green. It's a big area where the weekend markets are held. We had drinks and food there and watched Chelsea get rolled by West Ham. There was a guy playing guitar at the place we were at so Dan got up and asked to play while Lily, one of the girls with us, sang. It was incredible. Dan is a brilliant guitarist. As in a tertiary trained guitarist and he busted out wonderwall and sweet child of mine. I don't know if they're hard to play but he nailed them both. I felt a little sorry for the guitarist who had to take back over.

We went back to Khao San to the same place as the previous night. There were more people there last night so Applebury ran amongst them, gathering up new people to be friends with. I don't know if he found anyone to build a snowman.

When Khao San shuts down the military come through and forces everyone off the street. I saw them getting ready to do this but we left before it happened. A few of us needed to use a toilet but the ones on the street were closed. So Dan, Mhon and Lily went into this hotel or something and I followed. We stuck past reception and went up the stairs. When we were a few flights up Dan turned to me and asked if I knew where we were, which I didn't. We'd snuck into a police station!

Today I woke up and checked out. I just got back from the train station. I went to buy a ticket on the overnight train to Chiang Mai tonight. The taxi driver who took me there was really friendly. The one who brought me back may be the happiest man on earth. When he found out I was Australian he told me about his daughter, who married an Aussie. Then he grabbed some photos and showed me pictures of them and his grandson! He was beaming with pride.

I'm going to head north for a while then come back to Bangkok for 5 or 6 days before I leave for Vietnam. I still don't have a visa.

My phone has been flat so I don't think I have many good photos, if any.